Today i had to do some bills that couldn't wait. The hospital called and left a message that they had sent a second bill and it needed to be paid. I know they will have to close down w/o my check of $168. Maybe they will get it before they have to close the doors. I'm also looking to buy a new computer as mine doesn't want to charge. It has been to the Dorks twice now.
I realized i would not need to be doing any of this if Chuck were here. It just comes out of nowhere; that all off a sudden realization that you are alone. Ramey is doing his best to help me. It has nothing to do w that. It's just a sudden shapeness and then you can't see clearly out of you teary eyes. and you think to yourself "Don't cry, don't cry. Don't let them see you crying yet agan"
I went to the new doctor Tuesday. It was the Nurse Practioner. She said, "Oh yeah, I remember you. You had to leave because your husband was sick last time." I held my breath and braced myself for what i knew was coming. "So how is he?" I have to say out loud something i have only had to say a few times if at all, now! "He died." and i'm thinking "don't cry, don't cry" ... Now i look at what i just wrote and it is another first - to see it in writing.
Well, i am going on an adventure tomorrow.
it is an adjustment doing things at home and elsewhere that were done by your husband. Actually, part of me never gets used to it, but part of me wonders at some of the things I've attempted and learned. And making a mistake at it, isn't the end of the world. That has taken me a long time to get that into my brain. So, I ruined the particle board under the kitchen sink by not knowing that I hadn't screwed the pipes all the way shut- I fixed the sink, didn't I??!! :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes all we can do is to follow the Lord from a distance. There are certain walks in our lives we have never walked before.
ReplyDeleteJos 3:4 Yet there shall be a space between you and it, about two thousand cubits by measure: come not near unto it, that ye may know the way by which ye must go: for ye have not passed this way heretofore.
As for crying, blow them...cry as much as you can and as much as you want...no one other than you is better qualified to judge the depth of your loss.
Many things will trigger memories of times shared together, and so the tears will come
Also remember that you are still very dear friends to many in the US and around the world who are thinking of you, and praying for you
Love
Mariano & Sarah Arias
Jean, you will find by God's grace an increasing ability and strength to face things you never had to before! I'm glad you are openly sharing so others may know your needs and be better able to offer support!
ReplyDeleteLove you! ~Debbie
I remember calling my nephew's dentist and a couple of other apptments to tell them he wasn't coming in because he died and I thought I was fine until the words came out of my mouth. Even this morning as I write this...and sometimes the tears don't want to stop all day if they start and you want to tell yourself that it's all okay because he's with Jesus and there isn't anything better but the sadness is still there. You are doing just fine Jean, thank you for sharing.
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